Industry vs the Artists
July 18, 2010 | 
Author We played a ball hockey game on Saturday between the Just for Laughs Industry “talentless leeches” vs the Artists “fragile egos”. It’s a yearly game that goes on at Just for Laughs and because it’s Canada, and because it’s hockey, as you can imagine it can get pretty heated.
The defeat was crippling. We lost 4-3 to those schmoozing bastards and the black cloud created that afternoon cast a shadow on the rest of the festival for yours truly. Bullshit!
I really thought we had it in the bag. I played on a line with Sugar Sammy and Eddie Della Siepe and we had some good chemistry going. We scored two of our three goals, the last one coming with five minutes left in the game when Sugar made a beauty pass over to me in front of the net to go up 3-2. Then the goddamn wheels fell off. They scored about a minute later and then with about a minute and a half left, we lost the ball in their end, I turn around to walk briskly toward the defensive end (I was gassed and just lazy in general) and our goaltender (a 14 year old the “industry” CONVENIENTLY drafted to play for us) was halfway to our bench. Their forward then promptly took the ball and scored into an empty net. The horror….
As it was later explained to me, apparently our goalie was “thirsty” and felt it best to go for a water break at that exact moment. I’m guessing one of the agents on the Industry team asked if he’d ever done some modeling before the game started and might have slipped him his card with a good old fashioned wink wink, nudge nudge.
We fought diligently to tie the game but didn’t get it done. Just to add insult to injury this marks the first loss for the Artists since the annual game began. Now you all know me, I’m not one for excuses, but in this case I’m gonna throw some “factors” out there and you can decide for yourself whether they can be classified as excuses or perhaps REASONS why we might have lost.
1) Their first goal was scored on a great shot from the point directly AFTER one of their players took an illegal slapshot that wasn’t called. (supposed to be an automatic penalty)
2)Their second goal was CLEARLY offside!
3)The rink surface was extremely slippery and the Industry players were using hairspray to make their sneakers tacky so that they had better traction. Which to me, in ball hockey, is the equivalent to human growth hormone and/or steroid use.
4)Most of them already have a pre-existing deal with the devil.
So anyway, there it is. My bitter review of the game that RUINED my trip to Montreal.
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4 Responses to “Industry vs the Artists”
Jay,
You should really fact-check first. Then again Sugar Sammy probably fed you a bunch of misinformation to begin with, so I won’t bust you on it too hard, but here we go:
JFL Ball hockey game:
2006, Industry won
2007, Artists won (9 – 5, if memory serves)
2008, Artists won (19 – 7, a real blowout)
2009, Artists won (in a tie – game shootout)
2010, well you know what happened.
Your goaltender is an energetic young guy who plays regularly, and as a matter of fact won the MVP for Artists in last year’s game. On that last goal chose to come out to play the ball, but hesitated momentarily, and that was the end. BTW, on an earlier disallowed goal, the ball was clearly across the line according to our forwards (who never lie; come on we are Industry) as well as your goalie. So in fact the score should have been 5 – 3. As for the offside, I have no idea what happened there. Maybe it was, maybe not, but the goal was not scored immediately after, so it had very little bearing on the play.
Taking the Pete Zedlacher award this year was Jason Fabbro, on Industry, who vomited during the game (a tradition set by Mr. Zedlacher in 2006).
As for the use of hairspray, it is a common practice in ball hockey, especially on concrete surfaces. I also wore a jockstrap and a helmet with a visor, but did not feel the need to let everyone know about it in advance. This was not a ‘secret’, just a part of the game. Worthwhile to note that I did provide BOTH teams with water and Gatorade and shirts and sticks and gloves and shin pads. Hairspray costs under $5. The Artists have until July 2011 to weigh that expense, as compared to dealing with the loss all year. And for the record, only about half our team actually used the hairspray. I did not.
That is my wrapup.
Nice game, though, and your goal was very nice. Too bad your name will not be engraved on the trophy this year, but I will send game photos early next week.
hey Jay, what, no mention of Mike Paterson running me a number of times, the slashing at the goalie after the whistle, and the “Talent” generally gooning it up! there’s always next year Jay. Hope you’re over it by then! After all we couldn’t have won it by playing fairly could we!?!? Thanks, it was fun.
@Steve Traynor: hahaha, yeah mike “did” maybe mention that to me. a few times. what can i say, he’s a giver.
@Brent: i love that your reply is longer than my post!! but i appreciate it. i don’t feel as bad now. i thought we were the only team to have lost to you guys. and our goalie did play pretty fantastically throughout the game. it was just that one play that was UNBELIEVABLE. and poorly timed. oh, and i guess i must have misplaced the paragraph of my post that admitted to you guys scoring a GOOD goal that was disallowed. i was SURE i wrote one…
oh, and i had TWO goals! but yeah, just the one was nice.
but seriously, GREAT TIME, and all the equipment and gatorade/water was much appreciated!!